The Beetches
(with apologies to Dr Seuss)
If you go on a tweeting
And scroll down your feed,
You’ll notice a bird called the Blue Check Mark Beetch.
In fact, there are two sorts of Beetches you’ll find:
The Blue Checked Mark kind, and the Un Checked kind.
The Blue Check Mark Beetches have Profiles with marks.
The Un Checked Beetches don’t have them on thars.
Now those Marks...
They’re not big. They are really so small
You’d think such a thing wouldn’t matter at all.
But, because of their marks, all the Blue Check Mark Beetches
Believe they’re the best kind of Beetch on the feedses.
Won’t talk to the others! They pass them right by
With their snoots high-and-mighty, stuck up in the sky.
Won’t ask them to go to their parties or sleigh rides,
Their ball games, their marshmallow roasts or their hay rides.
And the Un Checked Beetches...
Well, they get so mad
That they sometimes do things that are really quite bad,
And they throw dreadful things at the Checked Beetches heads...
Like insults and memes and the springs of old beds!
How they fight on those feedses,
Those unfriendly Beetches!
And all because Beetches whose bellies have marks
Think they’re better than Beetches with none upon thars.
(And, really, it’s sort of a terrible shame,
For, except for those marks, every Beetch is the same.)